Bloggle

Archive for August, 2008


Posted on August 14, 2008 - by deCadmus

Inconstant as a November Sky

Inconstant as a November Sky

It’s fascinating the things folks search for… and confounding. There are search phrases in Bloggle’s referrer logs that are truly head-scratchers: cyphers, bits of blank verse, and the odd, indelicate phrase that could make Bob Saget blush.

Then there are phrases that are extraordinarily specific… those that, when I Google ‘em myself, offer a result set of one. Take for example, the phrase, “a stray cat is inconstant as a November sky.” Now that’s specific. It’s rather a nice turn of phrase, too…  I’d forgotten having written it. But here it is, in this review for a less-than-stellar coffee:

The trouble with a stray cat is, that cat’s never really gonna be your friend. A stray cat’s got no boss, no loyalties and no apologies — ever. Oh sure, you might think that cat’s your buddy… but you’re kidding yourself. If a better deal comes along it’s outta here and gone, and don’t you go making the mistake of getting in its way. No sir, a stray cat is inconstant as a November sky.

Hmm. How about, “muscular, musky and oozes?”  Surprise… it’s not cheesy porn, it’s another coffee review, albeit one with enough purple prose to read like cheesy porn.

In the cup this is a deep, dark mysterious liquor. It’s muscular, musky and oozes languidly on the tongue. Its deeper tones are bitter chocolate, its high notes ripe fruit… very ripe. It’s slightly wild, rich, fat and funky. Not the fuzzy stuff of a monsooned Malabar–it’s far too smooth for that–but still it’s earthy and intense. The Bugisu has got the body of a Java, and while its finish is long and syrupy, it is decidedly not sweet.

As to the rest… maybe it’s Cuil’s quantum pr0n. If not, I can’t for the life of me figure out what landed them here.


Posted on August 14, 2008 - by deCadmus

It All Adds Up in the End

It All Adds Up in the End

Some quick, back of the envelope calculations…

Since making the switch to a scooter for my daily commute I’ve ridden about 1000 miles in the last month, despite record rainfall in Vermont this summer. (grumble)

Along the way I gobbled up 37 fewer gallons of gas — that’s $156 that won’t go to the oil companies, thank-you-very-much — and reduced my carbon footprint by about 740 pounds. More, I’ve had a blast riding, too.

Incidentally, that 740 pounds o’ carbon figure is about the same amount of C02 that you can eliminate by replacing just two incandescent light bulbs with compact fluorescent bulbs. Which is far cheaper than buying a scooter, if not quite so much fun.


Posted on August 14, 2008 - by deCadmus

August 14, 2008


Posted on August 13, 2008 - by deCadmus

Coffee Notes from All Over

Coffee Notes from All Over
  • The cool kids at Barismo do a deft take on a David Letterman style top-ten list with 10 Reasons Coffee Doesn’t Taste Like the Bag Descriptions.

    Number 10 - Juan Valdez is dead. Get over it.
    Number 9 - The marketing team ran out of ways to say, “tastes just like coffee, but better.”
    Number 8 -  Two words: cat poo.

    Okay…  none of these are actually on Barismo’s list, I’m just feelin’ punchy.

  • Despite the fact that it gets a lot of the salient facts about coffee and health right on the money, I got a beef with the recent NY Times’ health article — Sorting Out Coffee’s Contradictions — for perpetuating the myth that Howie Schultz was the founder of Starbucks…

    When Howard D. Schultz in 1985 founded the company that would become the wildly successful Starbucks chain, no financial adviser had to tell him that coffee was America’s leading beverage and caffeine its most widely used drug. The millions of customers who flock to Starbucks to order a double espresso, latte or coffee grande attest daily to his assessment of American passions.

    To set the record straight, Schultz *left* Starbucks — the company founded in 1971 by Jerry Baldwin, Zev Siegl, and Gordon Bowker  — to start his own coffee company, Il Giornale, in 1985. Two years later Howie bought out the original Starbucks’ stakeholders with the profits from his new company and the help of a few investor friends, and bundled everything under the name of the coffee company that made its bones on Pike Place… Starbucks. So there.

  • The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation plans to help coffee farmers in Africa boost their agronomy skills and coffee processing capabilities in an big dollar effort directed by the good people of Technoserve. Which is a very cool thing to do, and all the more remarkable as it allows me to additionally note that Bill Gates — not that Bill, his *dad* Bill Gates, Sr. — was was of the original investor friends that allowed Howie Schultz to buy out Starbucks from its original founders in 1987.Small world, huh?

Posted on August 12, 2008 - by deCadmus

August 12, 2008


Posted on August 10, 2008 - by deCadmus

Spammy Story: Weird Tales Loser

Spammy Story: Weird Tales Loser

Weird Tales magazine recently hosted a spiffy flash fiction contest. The challenge: write a piece of fewer than 500 words based on a SPAM email.

Well, gosh. I have a host of collected SPAM to choose from — some of them artful in their painful obfuscation and stilted Engrish — so choosing was half the battle. My [losing] entry is below.

It’s worth noting the first paragraph is entirely the introduction to an actual junk email that hit my in-box. It’s also worth noting that this piece is altogether science-fictiony, and thus arguably not the best entry for a Weird Tales contest, but you go where the muse takes you…

Return-Path: Ǥ§Þ¤°¤@terra.et
Received: from ¤§mtp2.mail.isp (42.host.terra.et [255.255.255.1])
From: Xenophile Ǥ§Þ¤°¤³°Ò@terra.et
Message-ID: 12f7417fab.17fab12f74@terra.et
Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2008 04:35:02 GMT
X-Mailer: Webmail
Subject: Mutual Understanding/ Benefit

Greetings and Compliments.

I strongly regret any inconvenience the receipt of this message may cause you, bearing in mind the nature of its content coming from an individual without referral or prior correspondence, but please read and assimilate its content and objectively consider if we can work together.

I am the secretary of communications for the peoples of  Ǥ§Þ¤°¤, which you will assuredly know as extra-solar planet GJ 436c in your (Terran) constellation Leo, located 32.66676 light years
from your sun. Please call me Phil.

I should like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you. My delegation represents the totality of the peoples of Ǥ§Þ¤°¤ currently en route to your coordinates. I communicate with the authority of the director of our trade delegation to your peoples.

It is to our mutual good fortune we have for some time monitored high frequency electromagnetic transmissions from your world and consequently are come to know your being’s social and
economical wants. Your recent Happy Days transmission we find joyful. (Fonzie. Ayyyyy.) Your Hitler program we had enjoyed not so much.

OUR CIRCUMSTANCES AND PROPOSAL
Due to unforeseen consequences with a neutron particle colliding experiment a substantial portion of our home world’s atmosphere was discharged, rendering our home world unhabitable. Hey, mistakes happen. As a consequence, we wish to secure rights to Solar planets Sol-d (Mars), and mineral rights or perhaps a lease / purchase agreement for Sol-e (Jupiter). Exchange of biological specimens would be advantageous, but is not a requirement for our sustained and mutual cooperation.

IN APPRECIATION AND GOOD FAITH
As proof of our earnestness in intent and devotion to our mutual transaction we have caused to be propulsed a mineral-bearing asteroid of primary composition: Pt 18%, Au 22%, Pu 24% and of a mass 6.1 × 10¹³ kg which will intersect with your planet on March 24, 2010 (your calendar.) We calculate that our gift should arrive within +- 0.99997 km of your equatorial plane thus to better procure your assured delivery. Hey, don’t miss it! (Ayyyyy.)

With great anticipation of a mutually beneficial partnership and durable relationships.

Your friend,

Phil.

CC:
1.¤¤°ê¤j³°Ó»º
2.P¤åPºØ¡A
3.¥¬¥ôÂ¥Þ


Posted on August 9, 2008 - by deCadmus

China’s Awe-inspiring Coming Out Party

China’s Awe-inspiring Coming Out Party

Congratulations to China, who — despite predictions of epic failure, and regardless of what may happen in the coming days (from heavy smog to heavy-handed tactics with the press) — just schooled the entire world in how to stage an epic spectacle with the opening ceremonies of the 2008 Summer Olympic Games. All kinds of awesome.

More pics at NYTimes.

Update: More stunning photos at the Boston Globe.


Posted on August 5, 2008 - by deCadmus

Starbucks Stumbles, We Eat Schadenfreude Pie

Starbucks Stumbles, We Eat Schadenfreude Pie

It’s enough to make even Motley Fool cheerleader Alyce Lomax choke on her coffee.

Consider –

But wait, there’s more! Remember Starbucks’ purchase of the Clover brewing system? How they’ve made this innovative brewing system unavailable to every other coffee shop on the planet so they can have it all to themselves? Yeah… well, there’s a little problem:

“…I’m standing in line at a hilltop Starbucks in Seattle’s Queen Anne neighborhood — one of Clover’s beta sites. I do a taste test: a cup of Clover coffee versus brewed coffee. A young barista tells me they’re out of the first two specialty coffees I request and suggests instead Starbucks’ everyday blend, called Pike Place. During brewing, the barista stirs the grounds into the Clover with a clunky rubber spatula — not a metal whisk — and pours the concoction into a crummy paper cup. I smell, I sip, I inhale. I can’t tell which cup of coffee is which — and neither is anything special. Is it the beans? My palate? After a few minutes, I finally pick it out: This coffee tastes a little bit like hype.”

Thus, even while we empathize with folks who’ve been cast loose from their paychecks (sorry, really… and best of luck) witness our collective grim delight in watching the coffee giant get its comeuppance.

Let me offer two cautionary notes…

Firstly, Starbucks’ rising tide lifted with it the status and visibility of a thousand mom n’ pop coffee shop and indie coffee bars. That tide may now be rushing out to the deep blue sea. Consider this a small craft advisory: those same economic factors that gouged a hole in the good ship Starbucks may prove rocky shoals for the indie retailer, too.

Secondly, some perspective is in order. About the same time that Starbucks was reporting its first ever quarterly loss, Exxon reported quarterly profits in excess of Starbucks’ entire market capitalization. Woof.

So, enjoy your slice of Schadenfreude Pie. It’s tasty… but have too big a helping and you’ll be sorry.


Posted on August 4, 2008 - by deCadmus

The Grand Experiment is Begun

The Grand Experiment is Begun

I have moved my writing nook — at the risk of expending nearly all my some-assembly-required-fu — to the north of the house, where, fueled by the electric treacle fingers of the aurora borealis, I hope to reach altogether new heights of participular danglage and general wordsmithery.

You have been warned.