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Thirteen years of coffee and commentary. Tridecaphobes, beware.

pistachios

Idled by Cancer Cure, Researchers Grope for Purpose

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I guess I missed the news. Surely there’s been a spate of headlines about the discovery of a cure for cancer? For Autism? Alzheimer’s? For male pattern baldness? No? Then for goodness sake, why are researchers working to suss out whether pistachio nuts might provide a decaffeinated alternative to coffee? Indeed, having learned nothing from prior efforts to substitute roasted coffee with acorns, beetroot, chicory, malted barley, cottonseeds, dandelion root, figs, potato peels, and toast scrapings – no, I’m not making this up – researchers now claim that:

” …carefully roasted, the fruit of the Pistacia terebinthus tree, which is much smaller than normal pistachios, could offer all the flavour of coffee, with none of the kick – as well as being significantly cheaper.

“It might seem an unlikely boast, as the special type of pistachio nut is from a tree better known as having sap which is a source of turpentine.”

Turpentine, yum.

Let’s be clear: there are countless maladies in want of a cure. We have climate problems. Food source problems.1  Economic problems aplenty. And for cryin’ out loud, we’re desperately close to losing Terry Pratchett to Alzheimer’s — can we please try to focus on what’s important?


Notes and Links

  1. That’s food — as in something that provides nourishment, not some fool substitute for product that’s just terrific already, thanks.

Author: deCadmus

Doug Cadmus is a usability guy, writer and sometime dramatist who moved to Vermont for the coffee, where he's the Web Guy for Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. When not writing, reading, or tapping out haiku-like Twitter posts, he roasts coffee in his garage.

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